Okay, so I have had a headache since about 5:00 am on Sunday. I thought I would have to leave the 10:00 am service at church to make a quick trip to the bathroom since I was so nauseated. Mal and I left immediately after serice and headed to the nearest Del Taco drive through so I could put something in my stomach (aside from the 2 Tylenol 8 Hour capsules I had taken before church). So I ordered a cheeseburger and began eating it. We hadn't gone more than a mile, before I started to get that feeling again as if I needed to throw up. There wasn't time to pull over since we were on the freeway so I just used the empty bag. Yeah, and paper isn't really very sturdy--or leak proof! When we got home, I tried to clean some of it up, but was so sick that I guess Mal had compassion on me. She courageously cleaned up after me as I went straight to my room to put on some pjs and take meds and get to bed. Eventually, I held down some toast and gatorade. Then ate normal food. I had the headache until today so I called out from work. Actually, I had been waiting for an excuse to call off from work. This week I begin my new schedule...I will close every Friday. It's not as bad as it sounds since I am the one who offered to take the late day on Friday. I don't have senority up in the front anyway.
Saturday just before prayer began Pastor Lucy told me to keep up my good attitude and know that all this training I am going to receive is free training and that promotion is coming. I just have to trust the Lord. And be ready. So we'll see...I just want to be obedient and humble.
So we watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona...I made a comment to my friend about the academy giving actors who play gays and lesbians the awards. I haven't seen Sean Penn's performance in Milk, but as far as Penelope Cruz's character in Vicky, I don't think it was all that outstanding. She wasn't any better than Scarlett Johannsen's portrayal of her character. I don't know...the initial proposal made by the lead male character should have been indicative of the content of the rest of the movie and I should have taken that as clue.....
I just saw a cute little movie called Just Like Heaven with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo (whom I love) and I loved it. It was entertaining and the characters were all likeable.
Anyway, enough of my movie commentary...I need to get to bed before my headache comes back. Oh yeah, I took 2 Sudafeds and it went away. Next time, before swallowing so many 800 mgs of ibuprofens or tylenols, I will try that.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sad Day
I remained in my office today, not having to go up to the front desk, but rather work on an all-day project for my boss with other co-workers (I'm glad I have a huge desk.)
There were moments when I felt somewhat sad: when Suzanne came in and made a "light-hearted" comment about me making less money. I confided in her, not so she could throw it in my face, but because I trusted her. (I guess we have to be careful who we trust...casting pearls before swine?) My other sad moment came when my friend from Corporate called to ask me a question. She asked how I was and I said I was fine and that God is in control. She concurred and then she went on musing as to the reason behind her call. She then blurted out, "Oh, it was Eloysa, not you." (I wanted to say, yes, Eloysa got the position and I didn't. I'm number 2 and she is number 1. While I didn't say that, it was a bit awkward and there was a noticeable silence between us.) She apologized for calling me in error, but I don't think she really meant for the comment to come out the way it did--nor did she realize it had. Then another friend Yvette made a comment, "Man, they're just stripping you of everything" in regards to me not being able to cover the management meeting due to the confidentiality of it. Yeah, I feel as though I'm going backwards.
But God knows. And I trust. He said He knows the plans He has for me and that is to bless me and prosper me. And I choose to believe His word and not what my circumstances show. It's only a matter of time.
And I had another person come into my office to confirm that I am witnessing through my everday life at ENKI and that she believes we are all called there for a reason. I was blessed by her words, just as I was last week by another who said I'd be blessed. Both could see not only that I have a good attitude but that the peace of God is evident. And that's what I want all to see in me; through me. I'm thankful the Lord sent someone to bless my day. It lifted some of the sadness. Who knows what's in store for me tomorrow because I think the paperwork if finally being done regarding my transition out of the HR/FA position. It's back to grunt work now I suppose. Things could always be worse, but I am glad I have the Lord's favor.
I got an email from a friend asking for prayer for her mom who has been diagnosed with kidney cancer and her father in law who may have prostate cancer. God is on the move. Signs and wonders will follow me. I believe it.
There were moments when I felt somewhat sad: when Suzanne came in and made a "light-hearted" comment about me making less money. I confided in her, not so she could throw it in my face, but because I trusted her. (I guess we have to be careful who we trust...casting pearls before swine?) My other sad moment came when my friend from Corporate called to ask me a question. She asked how I was and I said I was fine and that God is in control. She concurred and then she went on musing as to the reason behind her call. She then blurted out, "Oh, it was Eloysa, not you." (I wanted to say, yes, Eloysa got the position and I didn't. I'm number 2 and she is number 1. While I didn't say that, it was a bit awkward and there was a noticeable silence between us.) She apologized for calling me in error, but I don't think she really meant for the comment to come out the way it did--nor did she realize it had. Then another friend Yvette made a comment, "Man, they're just stripping you of everything" in regards to me not being able to cover the management meeting due to the confidentiality of it. Yeah, I feel as though I'm going backwards.
But God knows. And I trust. He said He knows the plans He has for me and that is to bless me and prosper me. And I choose to believe His word and not what my circumstances show. It's only a matter of time.
And I had another person come into my office to confirm that I am witnessing through my everday life at ENKI and that she believes we are all called there for a reason. I was blessed by her words, just as I was last week by another who said I'd be blessed. Both could see not only that I have a good attitude but that the peace of God is evident. And that's what I want all to see in me; through me. I'm thankful the Lord sent someone to bless my day. It lifted some of the sadness. Who knows what's in store for me tomorrow because I think the paperwork if finally being done regarding my transition out of the HR/FA position. It's back to grunt work now I suppose. Things could always be worse, but I am glad I have the Lord's favor.
I got an email from a friend asking for prayer for her mom who has been diagnosed with kidney cancer and her father in law who may have prostate cancer. God is on the move. Signs and wonders will follow me. I believe it.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
New Job?
Yes, it seems that there is a change about to take place in my life and it's about to take another turn. I've been trying to process what all this means, in my head since I got the call from Yoly at Enki Admininstrative Office yesterday. My life, it seems is so full of interruptions and the only quiet time I get is before the throne of God.
So yesterday, sometime around 4:30 she called to thank me for interviewing and went on to say what a srtong candidate I was, but unfortunately it wasn't I who was selected. She said, 'they felt they chose the best candidate for the position.' Um, thanks...? How do I thank someone for, in a round-about-way, saying that I was number two? (Or possibly even number 3?) My boss, as well as the clinic manager couldn't believe I didn't get it. And most of my co-workers seemed shocked that I wasn't given the position. (Some, like Elaine and Jen were almost ecstatic that I didn't get it and would remain at Covina by either exclaiming, 'See, I knew God wouldn't take you away from me.' Or simply by giving me a huge hug.) The news of not being given the position isn't what I was freaked out about. About 20 minutes prior to receiving the call from Yoly yesterday, I asked my boss what would happen if in 6 months, I wasn't able to get certified in the departments. She quietly informed me that I would move down to a level 1 (I'm currently, until Friday, anyway, a level 5)...a demotion. I told my boss I would quit before I went back to a level 1. It's hard not to be disappointed, but evidently that wasn't the job that God wanted for me and He has something else in store. If that means I have to take a pay cut, then, so be it. He promised to supply all my needs. And I do trust Him. I kind of hope the girl from El Monte got it because I heard she was quite devastated when the news of the HR/FA positions at all sites being eliminated came out. I pray the Lord meets her needs too.
So I have a new hire on Friday-my last. So many things will change after Friday...I'll have to take down m beach pictures from the blue wall in my office and put them into storage sinc ei wont be getting my own office, but sharing one with three others. It's similar to the feeling I felt when packing up and leaving my apartment; like saying goodbye to an old friend. (And that is never fun.) I'll have to stay late at least one night and coordinate lunch schedules with the other girls.... Part of me wonders if maybe I didn't get too comfortable where I was and maybe I took for granted all the freedoms I had. I don't know if the Lord wants me to learn thankfulness again or what. Whatever the lesson, may I learn it quickly. And may the Lord continue to use me where I am...obviously He's got something else for me to do there.
So yesterday, sometime around 4:30 she called to thank me for interviewing and went on to say what a srtong candidate I was, but unfortunately it wasn't I who was selected. She said, 'they felt they chose the best candidate for the position.' Um, thanks...? How do I thank someone for, in a round-about-way, saying that I was number two? (Or possibly even number 3?) My boss, as well as the clinic manager couldn't believe I didn't get it. And most of my co-workers seemed shocked that I wasn't given the position. (Some, like Elaine and Jen were almost ecstatic that I didn't get it and would remain at Covina by either exclaiming, 'See, I knew God wouldn't take you away from me.' Or simply by giving me a huge hug.) The news of not being given the position isn't what I was freaked out about. About 20 minutes prior to receiving the call from Yoly yesterday, I asked my boss what would happen if in 6 months, I wasn't able to get certified in the departments. She quietly informed me that I would move down to a level 1 (I'm currently, until Friday, anyway, a level 5)...a demotion. I told my boss I would quit before I went back to a level 1. It's hard not to be disappointed, but evidently that wasn't the job that God wanted for me and He has something else in store. If that means I have to take a pay cut, then, so be it. He promised to supply all my needs. And I do trust Him. I kind of hope the girl from El Monte got it because I heard she was quite devastated when the news of the HR/FA positions at all sites being eliminated came out. I pray the Lord meets her needs too.
So I have a new hire on Friday-my last. So many things will change after Friday...I'll have to take down m beach pictures from the blue wall in my office and put them into storage sinc ei wont be getting my own office, but sharing one with three others. It's similar to the feeling I felt when packing up and leaving my apartment; like saying goodbye to an old friend. (And that is never fun.) I'll have to stay late at least one night and coordinate lunch schedules with the other girls.... Part of me wonders if maybe I didn't get too comfortable where I was and maybe I took for granted all the freedoms I had. I don't know if the Lord wants me to learn thankfulness again or what. Whatever the lesson, may I learn it quickly. And may the Lord continue to use me where I am...obviously He's got something else for me to do there.
Monday, May 4, 2009
BlOcKs
I remember someone saying--was it, Madonna--that we don't speak in complete blocks of thought. And in our fast-paced, rush-hour being multiple hours, instant society (namely, LA), it seems nearly impossible. For instance, on my job there are phone calls, overhead pages, toilets that clog, alarms that go off, line staff and management staff who are all in need of something that I have. And if I don't have it, then it's my job to get it--from someone else who has it (e.g. the money, the answer, the tools to fix it, the authority to approve it, etc.) This is not Wall Street, it's Second Avenue. So it makes total sense why we are unable to speak in complete blocks of thought. Interruptions are inevitable. So here I sit, at my laptop attempting to form multiple blocks of thought completely, without the various distractions. Although what about the current distractions whirling around in my head:
Will I get the HR/FA position at the El Monte Administrative Office? There have been dozens of people who have approached me both at church and at work to ask me how my interview went last Friday and if I've heard anything yet. It seems a bit premature, though Heather did say they would probably let me know early in the week. I don't have an answer about it...I'm not nervous and not worried in the least, I just wonder. I couldn't sleep the night before and I felt the Lord telling me to turn to Psalms 83. So after arguing in my head about how desperately I needed to get to sleep because of the upcoming interview, I got up, opened my bible and turned to Psalms 83. It was a prayer to frustrate conspiracy against Israel. I didn't get it. I didn't understand what it had to do with me and my situation at work. Later on, I questioned the Lord about it, "Why did you have me read Psalms 83?" 'I just wanted to see if you would do it.' I cried. Obviously, it was a test of obedience. I thought about all the times I have argued in my head about getting up early to read only to fall back asleep. Sometimes we just gotta do things because we are told, even if we don't know why we are told. Most people think I have the job, but I am not assuming anything. Regardless of their choice, I have been granted favor. Most would assume that it worked in my favor that Heather (the Vice president of the company and my old boss I worked under for two years) was one of the interviewers.
Will I ever marry? I'm passed the point where I am feeling sorry for myself and the moments of loneliness are not as frequent as they once were. However, I'm not so sure that I'm not being prepared for a life of singlehood. And it's not so frightening anymore. I've experienced and been in engaged in many things and I know that there are worse things than being single. And although I don't have a boyfriend or husband, I don't feel alone. There have been times in the past that I felt so behind everyone else around me.
How can I make Jesus and the truths of the bible more real to my students? Some classes, seem so futile. I can only pray that they are saving some tiny bit of the truth deep in thier hearts for a future day. The trick is overcoming that feeling of being ineffective and il-equipped. I know some of thise kids must hate me--and probably even think I hate them. I refuse to let them come to church and not pay attention. The word of God deserves our respect and attention. I just want to make it come alive to them in such a way that they can see themselves living it. I know I'll be held accountable if I don't.
Will God heal Gloria of cancer for a 6th time? My mom and I ran into her commadre at the Relay For Life cancer walk a few weeks ago. Gloria has hope that God can heal her and she said that she is not going to die from cancer. It's as if she's got an unbreakable spirit. How great would it be to see her healed again from cancer? And through it, all her family is saved. I hate cancer. I pray against it every day.
When will the hearts of my loved ones be stirred? I pray that their gods would fail them. I ask that unholy alliances be broken. I plead, I pull down, I command...my eyes well up, my heat breaks, hands are lifted in surrender. There are things I know I don't have the power to change so I wait on the Lord. My words cannot be empty with such a strong conviction behind them. Sometimes, all I can do is stay away and pray from afar. I don't want to do more harm than good by getting too close again. Waiting makes you seem aloof.
Well, so these were somewhat complete blocks, even if they were edited. I can't reveal EVERYTHING going on in my head. So many these are bits and pices of my complete blocks...
whatever you call it...you now have ideas from my block head.
Will I get the HR/FA position at the El Monte Administrative Office? There have been dozens of people who have approached me both at church and at work to ask me how my interview went last Friday and if I've heard anything yet. It seems a bit premature, though Heather did say they would probably let me know early in the week. I don't have an answer about it...I'm not nervous and not worried in the least, I just wonder. I couldn't sleep the night before and I felt the Lord telling me to turn to Psalms 83. So after arguing in my head about how desperately I needed to get to sleep because of the upcoming interview, I got up, opened my bible and turned to Psalms 83. It was a prayer to frustrate conspiracy against Israel. I didn't get it. I didn't understand what it had to do with me and my situation at work. Later on, I questioned the Lord about it, "Why did you have me read Psalms 83?" 'I just wanted to see if you would do it.' I cried. Obviously, it was a test of obedience. I thought about all the times I have argued in my head about getting up early to read only to fall back asleep. Sometimes we just gotta do things because we are told, even if we don't know why we are told. Most people think I have the job, but I am not assuming anything. Regardless of their choice, I have been granted favor. Most would assume that it worked in my favor that Heather (the Vice president of the company and my old boss I worked under for two years) was one of the interviewers.
Will I ever marry? I'm passed the point where I am feeling sorry for myself and the moments of loneliness are not as frequent as they once were. However, I'm not so sure that I'm not being prepared for a life of singlehood. And it's not so frightening anymore. I've experienced and been in engaged in many things and I know that there are worse things than being single. And although I don't have a boyfriend or husband, I don't feel alone. There have been times in the past that I felt so behind everyone else around me.
How can I make Jesus and the truths of the bible more real to my students? Some classes, seem so futile. I can only pray that they are saving some tiny bit of the truth deep in thier hearts for a future day. The trick is overcoming that feeling of being ineffective and il-equipped. I know some of thise kids must hate me--and probably even think I hate them. I refuse to let them come to church and not pay attention. The word of God deserves our respect and attention. I just want to make it come alive to them in such a way that they can see themselves living it. I know I'll be held accountable if I don't.
Will God heal Gloria of cancer for a 6th time? My mom and I ran into her commadre at the Relay For Life cancer walk a few weeks ago. Gloria has hope that God can heal her and she said that she is not going to die from cancer. It's as if she's got an unbreakable spirit. How great would it be to see her healed again from cancer? And through it, all her family is saved. I hate cancer. I pray against it every day.
When will the hearts of my loved ones be stirred? I pray that their gods would fail them. I ask that unholy alliances be broken. I plead, I pull down, I command...my eyes well up, my heat breaks, hands are lifted in surrender. There are things I know I don't have the power to change so I wait on the Lord. My words cannot be empty with such a strong conviction behind them. Sometimes, all I can do is stay away and pray from afar. I don't want to do more harm than good by getting too close again. Waiting makes you seem aloof.
Well, so these were somewhat complete blocks, even if they were edited. I can't reveal EVERYTHING going on in my head. So many these are bits and pices of my complete blocks...
whatever you call it...you now have ideas from my block head.
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