Thursday, October 29, 2009

Burdened

I am so burdened tonight and wonder if my recent bout with discontentment is due to a stirring up in my spirit. I am convinced that the world we live in is in the shape its in because of the carnality of God's people. Friends I gave a word to...friends I gave books to...friends I have given godly counsel to...friends I have prayed for consistently...all seem to be going the way of the world and not the way of the Lord. Not only does it sadden me, but it grieves me to the point of tears. It makes me want to cry out, "Where are the intercessors?!" as a woman did years ago at a prayer conference we hosted at our church. It makes me want to cry out, "Where are those who are willing to stand up for righteousness?!" Stand up if you dare. Am I so unequally yoked with fellow believers that I in some way pose a threat? Are we at odds with one another because of our many misinterpretations of one truth? Has our anger clouded our ability to walk by faith? And has the giant in our life (pride and self) rendered us powerless against the wiles of the enemy? It's no wonder how the enemy runs circles around us; the church is so busy running around in circles attacking itself. We fight the same battles with the same people year after year when all we need to do is pick up our weapons and point them in the direction of the real enemy. If the enemy can keep us bound up with anger, bitterness and unforgiveness towards others in the church, then we will just self destruct.

My pastor said, "The enemy plots; God plans."

Are we plotting revenge against our brothers? Or are we planning our forgiveness? Are we planning ways to bless those who curse us and spitefully use us? Are we planning a way of victory?

Joyce Meyer said, "Most Christians want enough of God to stay out of hell, but not enough to walk in victory."

It makes me wonder who I can trust to pray for me on my left or my right. Especially when I don't see any of them in prayer on Saturday mornings. Everyone wants their prayers answered and a breakthrough but nobody wants to get up early on a Saturday morning to
actually pray.

So I offer this, "Everyone wants their needs met, but nobody takes the time to meet the Need Meeter."

That takes time. And effort. And it's not the popular choice. It's not what most people would consider fun. Then again, (I'm sure), neither was dying on the cross. Yet He did it anyway. And not to lay a guilt trip on anyone, but He went to the cross even though we didn't pray. We didn't ask for salvation. But it just goes to show the depth of His love for us. He is always moving and working on our behalf. And to be completely honest, we needed Him to. He knows what we have need of before we even ask--and especially if we dont ask.

And knowing that truth, I will persevere in prayer for those who choose not to ask for themselves. For those who are maybe afraid to ask. I will ask for God in some way to intervene.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Preserved

You have granted me life and lovingkindness; and Your care has preseved my spirit. Job 10:12


The other day, my pastor and others 'confirmed me in my ministry' when they prayed for me. In the prayer, one of the pastors used the word preserved. Specifically, that God has preserved me and spared me. And that the enemy desired to sift me. And the word, preserved really stuck out...I guess because I am feeling old and a bit lonely. My flesh side wants to go the way of the world to ease my loneliness, but my spirit knows I have no business doing what my friends do. Just the other day, while talking to a friend I realized just how different my views are compared to many around me. And I though, "Whoa Lord, is this what you meant when in Your word it says we are a peculiar people? I remember a time when an aunt asked me, "Don't you want to be normal?" It hurt my feelings then. But now, as I get older (just turned 40 yesterday) I am understanding a little more about what the Lord has called me to be and not what I necessarily wanted. I could go and do what everyone else not what God desires for my life. And I want to be EVERYthing God wants me to be. My life could be very different, but I do desire signs and wonders--not parties and friends.

So my flesh sometimes has a little trouble getting behind my spirit on this, but it's catching on.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

No Regrets...

I used to say that I didn't have any regrets, however there are always things we wish we could go back and do over. *shrugs* Most of the triumphs, tragedies and incidents we experience I believe are cause and effect. Others are by divine design since I do believe that my footsteps are ordained by God. But as I look back, I do see where "free will" kicked in and I journeyed off track. (The sad thing about free will is that, when we choose to do what we will instead of what is God's will, it is rarely ever free. There are consequences and a price to be paid. I have paid a great price to buy my own so called freedom. And even though I am wilingly choosing God's will for my life, I feel there are still things I am paying for.) So while I don't regret the experiences I have had, there are things I wish I could do over. If I didn't believe in salvation and redemption, this list would be more relevant and possibl drive me into a deep depression. But I do believe there is hope for me yet.

That I didn't take more chances in life regarding certain things such as traveling--I could have been an evangelist or nurse in some third world country.
That I wasted kisses (and my heart) on a boy who lied to me for seven years.
That I didn't speak up when I should have and allowed a stranger to take advantage of me sexually.
That I lost so many years of loving my dad because of my anger and bitterness towards him.
That I never had the guts to hsave my head.
That I ever lived a day with fear about anything and allowed it to affect my decisions.
That my mom and I weren't friends sooner.
That I ever got involved with a friend. The romance never compares to the stability and unconditional love of true friendship.
That I never bought my black Rubicon Jeep so I could drive up PCH with my hair flying wildly in the wind to the B-52's Summer of Love.
That I don't really know my brothers and sisters.
That I never had my little boy so I could sing to Him with him.
That I didn't devote more time to write songs and poems, etc.
That I didn't take some random course in college just for the fun of it. Or that I didn't get a degree to become something more than what I am.
That I didn't stay focused more on God and the gifts He gave to me so that I could use them to bless others. Instead, I chased after things of the flesh.
That I never bought a motorcycle.
That I didn't do better in school. And I never joined a sport though I was althletic.
That I never became a chef.
That I ever lied to my friends and loved ones. Deceit is never something I wanted to be my best trait.
That I never found someone who gave me that "swept-off-my-feet feeling" to marry.
That it took me so long to sponsor a child.
That I still have a rectangular box up on the shelf in my closet filled with my dad's ashes (Well, half. The other half was spread in Montana; I was supposed to spread the remaining in the ocean.)

The last one was the one that got me started on this list.